Jun 19, 2009

D&D Joke

I put the players up against a giant cobra. One of them said "I cast 'Summon Mongoose'!"

A Few More Jokes

From now on I will call this brunette "Marzet" as this is the name of her character in D&D. That way she remains mostly anonymous and I can quit calling her "the girl" or "the brunette."


While playing D&D...

DM: You enter into a huge room, 100' long by 75' wide. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all made of polished black stone and it gives the room a never-ending feeling. In the center of the room, 50' from you, is a statue of a humanoid skeleton, brandishing a longsword that has an unearthly glow... Marzet, it's your turn.
Marzet: How far away from [the skeleton] am I?
DM: 50 feet.
Marzet: Oh, still?


Player: Druids don't leave tracks.
Marzet: Oh! Neither do you!
Player: Yeah... I'm a druid...



Ahh, maybe it is cruel of me to write this up here, but it's all so funny. It's lots of fun for me, if no one else, to look at this and remember good times... hilarious times. :)

May 1, 2009

More Blond Jokes From the Same Brunette

There are two floors to my house. Between the lower and upper floor, there is a grate that allows heat and sound through to the upper floor, where I, this brunette, and a few of our friends were sitting on a couch. Up through the grate came the sound of instruments and a man singing on the downstairs T.V. One of our friends asked, "Is that Johnny Cash?" The brunette friend said, "No, it's just the T.V."

Really, I'm not making this up.

Mar 12, 2009

Real Dumb-blond Jokes From a Brunette

These are two things a brunette friend of mine said last Friday while she was with me and a group of our friends, playing Dungeons and Dragons. Note that this girl is almost 18-years-old and has a GPA of over 4.0

In the game, there was a statue that we joked would somehow cause every character who rubbed it to become pregnant. She said "But the men couldn't get pregnant!... Oh, I guess they could have a c-section in order to deliver..."

Again, in game, there was a machine trying to kill the characters. It had a weapon similar to a chain-saw. She disputed the Dungeon Master who was describing the construct and said, "Ben, how could it have a chain-saw? There's no where to plug it in."

Mar 2, 2009

Loss of records through technology

It's very sad that in today's world we are losing our record-keeping abilities to technology. People rarely write letters by "snail-mail" when we can e-mail something within seconds. When the e-mail reaches the intended recipient, he or she reads it and discards it. It is lost for good. Our grandchildren won't be able to see who our friends were and what we liked to talk about with them. They won't have hand-written love letters from one grandparent in the war to his wife at home like some of us do. They might know our names, our birthdate/deathdate or perhaps the day we were christened or baptized--since churches seem to keep good records of such events--but they will have no idea who we are and what our lives are like. Letter-writing and Journaling are a valuable, but diminishing art. Journaling with a real pen and paper is a wonderful way to preserve ourselves and our personalities. I wish I had a journal of some of my ancestors. I wish i knew of their lives from them, rather than from history books. It would be so much more interesting. Our lives seem average and dull to us, as I'm sure their lives seemed to them. If we keep journals for future generations, we will be doing the world a service that takes about 10 minutes of our time out of each day or even out of each week. Give this gift to your (future) grandchildren. Even if you are already a grandparent and think it would be pointless to start a journal at your age, it isn't. Every Sunday I try to sit down with my grandparents, set a timer, and make them write in their journals for 10-20 minutes. They complain about the amount of time I make them write or anything else they can think of. They complain that they don't have anything interesting to write about. To this I suggest something like "write about your first day of school" or "write about the first time you broke a bone". "Do you ever remember your parents being very angry with you?" I get all sorts of interesting stories from those, but they decide to tell me verbally rather than permanently record them with ink and paper. I have to be firm with them, but it is worth it. I love the stories I get. I especially like the one about my grandmother hiding a litter of baby mice to keep as pets. When the mice escaped and nested in her mother's clothing, she was caught and in lots of trouble. Write down your stories and encourage your loved ones, both young and old, to do the same. People will be grateful for the effort.

Feb 5, 2009

AYS Fiji Service, Part 3




Pictures: coconut with straw from Nalawauki,
Pandanus leaves drying in the sun.



"June 7, 2008
Megan and I always wake up earlier than everyone else. The leaders Mary and Nicole are next. We woke up around 6:30, got ready, (showered, dressed, awake -in that order) and went exploring. It was too dark lastnight when we arrived to see anything. This resort is beautiful. It seems quite a bit larger than Octopus. This one is also right on the ocean. There are coconut trees full of fruit all around me. It is so strange to actually be in a place like this. Apparently the other day at Nalawauki the rest of the group hacked open a coconut and drank the milk. Megan and I were off picking up trash at the time.
We are all staying in one dorm here. At Octopus, the girls were all in one dorm and the few boys shared a bure.
The sun just rose. It's so beautiful here. They have a pool and a volley-ball net too.
Our dorm here has bunk-beds. The room is divided in half by a curtain, boys on one side and girls on the other. We close the curtains at night or when we all get dressed. Most of the girls are using mosquito nets they brought. Courtney and Katherine were assigned beds above me and Megan, but their nets needed something from which to hang. Mine has its own little tent thing and Megan doesn't have one, so we gave our bottom beds to them and we sleep on top. It's hard to sneak out in the morning without waking them up.

"June 7, 2008, Later
Today we had free time until 10:00am when we got on a bus and went to Galoa (pronounced Nloh-uh. It's hard to say correctly and I'm still not sure I'm saying it correctly.) But, I get ahead of myself. As I mentioned earlier, Megan and I were up by 6:30. I was tired by 10 but I sure wasn't at 6:30.
Megan and I got a lot done before anyone else got up. First we sat and wrote in our journals. When breakfast was ready, we ate. It wasn't as varried here as it was at Octopus, but the food was just as good. Here they have toast, jams, butter, corn-flake-like cereal, strange cereal bar things, watermellon, pineapple, papaya, coffee, milk, juice (we're not sure what kind). There is also a heating pan with oatmeal in one side and spaghetti and sauce in the other... I'm not kidding. I didn't try the spaghetti. I have nothing against eating that particular food for breakfast, but I do have something against eating spaghetti, period. Yuck.
We dressed up to go to Galoa. We had a very official welcoming ceremony when we arrived in the town hall. We drank Kava. It was much better at Galoa than it was at the Octopus Resort.
After the welcoming ceremony we were given food-- fruits, cookies, and coconuts with holes hacked into the top so we could drink the milk. I liked it a lot, but not many others did.
A kind man gave up a tour of the village. We saw a place where they play net-ball (similar to basketball) and an underground oven in use. We saw Kava roots and a kind of leaf that the women use to weave into mats being dried in the sun. (I never did figure out what kind of leaf those were.) The houses and other buildings were very similar to Nalawauki.
When the tour was completed, we had a farewell ceremony. There was no more Kava involved but there was a lot of talking in Fijian.
We boarded the bus and went back to the resort, changed into casual clothing, and headed to the cultural centre that was about 10 minutes away. Most of us were tired of playing around and excited to work, especially after we saw the village and met some of the people.
We were fed lunch on the bus. The two sandwitch options were cheese, and some kind of fish. (Later we learned that this was Fijian Tuna.) The fish ones did NOT go over well. They were really disgusting.
We saw a firewalking show. Five guys walked on stones that were white-hot. It was amazing. We also saw dancing and some games. Two men had a coconut husking and cracking competition. For the husking they used a stick and their hands, but they did the cracking without tools of any kind.
We went on a boat tour. We were shown weaving, some kitchen utensils and cooking, fishermen's tools, and weapons. We got to see and learn about a temple, the chief's hut, and a regular man's life. Fijians were really into human sacrifice and canibalism. We had a 10-minute break during which I bought a shirt for my dad.
We walked back to the resort after the cultural center.
Dinner was good tonight. We had noodles with vegetables and for desert we had ice cream and a fruit sauce. The mosquitoes are vicious. They are small, black, and make very little noise. Megan's legs are already covered in welts. My small bottle of 100% Deet seems to be the best repellant anyone has.
I took a shower after dinner and played a game called "Scum" with Chris, Trevor, Nicole, and Megan. We have a devotional at 21:15. I'm so sleepy! I'm not sure I'll make it until then.

"June 8, 2008, Sunday
Church today was really neat. The chapel was large enough for probably 100-150 people, but I'm very bad at estimating things like that. There were only about 40 people in sacrament meeting, including the AYS group. Cary wore a tsulu that he bought in Nadi. It was pretty neat. Shawn gave a talk and Katherine and Trevor gave their testimonies.
Sunday school was akward. The Fiji boys were EXTREMELY shy. We were divided into groups and instructed to read various chapters from Alma. Megan and I were the only Americans in our group.
In Young Women I noticed that there were Fijian girls, but there were also Into-Fijian girls. They look very different. The entire ward is divided into these groups, but I didn't notice until YW. I didn't see any explicit segregation, but I read about the possibility before my trip.
I met a very nice girl named Agnes. [We still write to eachother and keep in touch.] There was a fireside in the chapel right after church. Megan, Katherine, Courtney, Jessica, Cary, Chris and I sang a poorly rehearsed special musical number. Rachel played the piano for us.
Several of the Fijian and Indo-Fijian youth talked about what it is like to be a member of the LDS church here in Fiji, then Utah kids talked about what it was like to be a member in "America." Their representation was very poor because being a member in Utah is nothing like being a member in Idaho or other places in the United States. Megan and I mentioned this to Shawn, who is from Boise originally. He got up and talked about that a little bit.
We ate lunch there at the church. We were fed cold hot-dogs garnished with some kind of cheese, a sauce similar to marinara sauce, and cucumber pieces. It was odd. It wasn't very good, but I ate it because I was hungry.
In place of the spaghetti for breakfast today, there were baked beans, sharing the heated plate with the oatmeal."

Feb 2, 2009

AYS Fiji Service, 2




Photos: AYS Group in Nalawauki and Kava bowl
"June 4, 2008, Later
There are lots of people from Australia at this resort. There are a few from England and there is even a woman named Rosie from Scotland. Her accent is absolutely beautiful. I'd never before heard a Scottish accent in person.Last night there was a welcoming ceremony for the AYS group and for a couple on their honeymoon. A Fijian man had a large bowl on legs full of Kava. (I later learned that the bowl is actually known as a Kava bowl, surprising.) Kava is a drink made from a ground up root. Shawn told us when we first got here that if we don't drink more than three cups then it isn't against the Word of Wisdom.
Kava has a unique taste. Surprisingly, it tastes a little bit like dirt. It makes your mouth tingle and feel slightly numb like clove oil, but not as strong or as gross-tasting.
We all sat cross-legged in a circle around the man with the kava bowl. There were a few polished coconut shell halves which are Kava cups from which the kava is drunk... drunken? drinked? Haha, I don’t think that’s even a word. Anyway, this is where we learned the Kava-drinking procedure. When you are given the cup of Kava by the man in the center or a man appointed to deliver it to different people, you clap once, then accept the kava and down the cup. While you drink, everyone claps three times in unison. When you finish, you return the cup, and clap three times alone.

"June 5, 2008
I'm sitting on a beach chair at the end of a row of several. All the people in them are with AYS. the tide is high and the waves are crashing on the beach. I slept well last night. Our dorm has one fan and one mosquito net per bed.
This morning for breakfast we had a selection of fresh fruit, cereals, granolas, and pastries. It was very good. After that, we all met in the dorm, packed some water and sunscreen, and hiked up over the top of the island and visited the village of Nalawauki. The hike was pretty vigorous. The path on this side of the mountain was 90% steep cement stairs. They were tough because they height between one to the next was about double the height of our regular steps. The path down on the other side was just dirt, rock, and roots. It was much easier for me because I’m used to hiking, if not in these humid, hot conditions.
The village people were very kind. They all look very alike. Even the men and women are difficult to tell apart because they are so beautiful. There were many children. They were so sweet. They all speak English and interacted with everyone.
The village people were in mourning because on a recent death. I’m not sure how it would have been different if they hadn’t been.
When we first got there the mayor, Kianu gave us a guided walk around the town. Homes were either made of thatch or tin sheets. They all seemed to be one-room. These people must have such a simple life.
On this tour we got to see the school. It was one room. There was a table and a chalk board. On the walls were papers with letters written on them and large poster sized ones with song lyrics. The children were all under six-years-0ld. When they reach that age, they are sent somewhere else to be educated. I think they go to the large island. The local women displayed their crafts for us to buy.
They had all their stuff laid out on blankets and they sat next to it. Some of the things they had were really neat. There was jewelry made of pearls and shells. There were wood and bone ones too. There were wooden statues and small asks. There were rugs like the ones all over the town and this resort. The rugs were made of small bits of many different fabrics, they sewn together in an overlapping fashion.
I bought a necklace made of a huge wild-boar’s tooth for my grandfather, a white and red pearl necklace for my grandmother, a necklace with a hand-carved wooden sea turtle pendant and one of the Fijian rugs for my mother, and I bought a small wooden keychain that said “Fiji” for me. I felt good about buying from these women instead of stores. Their stuff was so much more authentic and they looked like they could use the money more than people who ran organized businesses.
In the village we cleaned the garbage on the beach and buried it. That’s how they take care of it. The villagers slowly joined in. Later the mayor, Kianu said they were feeling guilt watching us work. We finished around one or two in the afternoon. The women had prepared rice and taro roots to eat. After that we hiked back. While I was there I gathered two mall shells and three large seed pods. I have no idea what they belong to but there are really neat and I plan to make necklaces or something with them.
The first thing most of us did when we got back to the resort was eat lunch then swim in the pool to cool off. It was nice but I started to get a bad headache. We played Marco-Polo in the pool.
After that I took some pills and laid down on a chair on the beach hoping that my headache wouldn’t turn into a migraine. I was there for a while. Chris and Trevor came by. Chris sat down next to me for quite a while. He was comforting. He was happy just talking quietly with me. Shawn came by and told us that we should call our parents. They did but Chris said he would be back. I waited for a long time and he never came back so I left to get dressed and to get my journal. I later learned that at this point he went to sit by me, saw that I wasn’t there, and asked Megan where I was. She told him I was in the dorm laying down. When I was finally on my way back to the beach chairs, I stepped out of the dorm and met Chris stepping up the porch toward me. We went to the beach and sat together for quite a while until it started to rain. I left then and went up to a table with an umbrella. Pretty soon he came and sat with me. Our table slowly gathered people until half the group was there talking and laughing. We had a great time.
Dinner was good. Last night everything was something fishy. Tonight it was chicken.
I’m not worried about Megan and I having fun with these Utah Mormons anymore. Some aren’t like us, but some are our kind of people. We had a great time with all of them.

“June 6, 2008
I’m at Uprising Beach Resort now on the main island. This morning we were free until 15:00 when a boat come to take us away from the Octopus Resort. I packed before everyone else so that I wouldn’t have to do it all with everyone in there. I had the whole dorm to myself in the morning. After that I sat in a hammock and finished Thief of Time and started Small Gods, also by Terry Pratchett.
It was sad to leave. We had a wonderful time at that place. The boat ride was several hours long. I talked to Trevor quite a bit. I have a lot more in common with him than I do with Chris. I played “BS” with several of the kids. Again, we had a great time. After the boat ride, we had a three-hour-long bus ride to this side of the island. We ate a dinner that some women from the church had prepared for us. It was stew and rice and it really surprised us when the stew meat still had bones in it. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with that, but it took us spoiled-american kids by surprise."